Random Thoughts

Feeling 32

March 1, 2020

This blog kind of renewed its domain and hosting automatically while I’m still deciding if I should keep it or not. I didn’t have the time to blog for months anyway. Might as well put something in it. Ready for some TMI?

Yesterday, February 29,2020, I had my first ever anesthesia experience. I was inside an operating room where I never thought I’ll ever be in. Absurd, I know, but in 31 years I’ve never been admitted to a hospital. So yesterday, it was my first time to wear a lab gown, to have an IV inserted in my veins, etc.

I’d like to thank all the 5 nurses and two doctors of Sacred Heart of Malolos for assisting me and making me feel at ease. Unknowingly, I just fell asleep and after 1.5hours, the doctor woke me up to tell me I have nothing to worry about.

The doctor found nothing during colonoscopy. Right! That’s the procedure that was done to me. It wasn’t as scary as people told me. I knew it, we really shouldn’t listen to people more scared than we are. I chose to listen to what the doctor said, that it would wouldn’t hurt because they’ll put me to sleep and that after, I’d also feel nothing. Before fear creeps in, I readily said yes, let’s do it if it’s necessary. Doctor said, yes, it is necessary.

via GIPHY

 I think the doctor just needed to examine my left colon but she examined both. I’m glad she did. For my peace of mind. At least now I know there’s nothing to worry about. I just have to take some medicines and correct my diet.

If I had felt nothing during the procedure, I swear I felt everything before the procedure was done. I had two days to prepare. I was still working from home until the day before and I thank my job from keeping myself to overthink about my health. But when the thoughts fill me in, I can feel my tummy area hurt. Paranoia.

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Good job, self. Last year, I climbed three mountains in a day for my birthday. I was already thinking of something daring to do this March once I turn 32. I need not think anymore. That was it for me this year! I want to celebrate, though.

If anything, I was reminded of how short life is here on earth. We really should cherish every moment, and not waste it on doing things we don’t like or do not benefit other people. Also, you know how mundane things worry us when we have nothing better to worry about? That happens to me a lot but they all vanished once I had something really valuable to prioritize.

The responsorial psalm yesterday was both a message for me and a resounding of my own prayer:

Incline your ear, O LORD; answer me,
for I am afflicted and poor.
Keep my life, for I am devoted to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God.

Every hardship teaches me a few things. Like God reveals himself more during tough times. This would be often said inside mass, Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy and before some serious trials happened, I would just say it haphazardly. But when time came that my mind just couldn’t function that I can’t even construct a prayer, those lines were all that I was able to say.

This time, “Jesus, King of Mercy, I trust in You” came to a new light. I would tell God, Lord, help me and felt like I was still afraid because it still dwelt on me and my problem but when I said those lines, it kind of set things in perspective and calms me down. Even praising God in prayer isn’t for God, it’s for us. Jesus is the King of Mercy, nothing unnecessarily wrong will happen. I just have to trust Him.

My phone’s wallpaper. Never alone.

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