This is how it is with the kingdom of God;
it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land
and would sleep and rise night and day
and through it all the seed would sprout and grow,
he knows not how.
Instrumento lamang tayo. Tayo ang magtatanim ngunit hindi tayo ang magpapatubo.
I would always find myself troubled. Balisa because of a lot of things. I’m kind of a control freak. Maybe because I’m a first born? For the past Sundays, my younger brother drives me to church. On quiet early Sunday mornings, when there’s considerably less vehicles on the road I let him practice his driving skills. He’s my student-driver and when he drives, the trip will not end without me commenting or blurting out instructions out of panic. Signal your intention! Don’t go too fast on curves. Watch out for that nasty truck. I may not be driving but I’m as tired as the driver because in my mind I am who’s on the wheel.
Same goes with the me in the corporate world. I would prepare for a presentation anticipating all the possible questions that would come out from my slides. Which is just fine, right? Part of being a responsible adult, even. Here, I would say overpreparation and overthinking works.
Travel isn’t spared. I would research like crazy about my itinerary that I sometimes have to stop myself so as not to be a spoiler of my own escapades. It’s still sometimes best to be pleasantly surprised by what each destination holds than to set foot some place for the first time and feel like, well, not a first time after all.
Just recently, I was preparing hard too for an interview for our news magazine’s next issue. In my mind, I have these different scenarios and I have just the perfect plan for all of them, whoever the interviewee would be and wherever it would take place, how I would adjust my schedule if it would take on this or that date and time. An interview that hasn’t materialized until today, by the way.
Sometimes, over preparation pays off and sometimes it’s just a complete waste of energy and time. Much ado about nothing. Worrying about something that may not even come. That’s where being balisa and aligaga bring me to sometimes.
Sunday homily reminds me of letting go. Of letting God. Once I’ve done all that I can, it’s time to let God do what He has to. It’s true, no matter how skilled or adept the farmer is, no one can still claim they can make the plants grow. They can plant the seed but in this modern age no one can still really create a plant!
This puts my mind, heart, and life at peace. From that thought I get some rest from my senseless worrying. The truth of the matter is, without God I’m not capable of doing anything. If something turns out good, it’s because of God. If something bad happens – at least in my eyes – it’s still because of Him, because it’s His will and being the loving, faithful and just God that He is even this “bad” thing will eventually turn out for my good. The great saints and holy persons of our time learned this in their lifetime. Padre Pio is known for saying, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” While Mother Angelica is quoted with, “Worrying is a sign of pride. It means we trust in our selves and not in God.” I reckon it’s part of every soul’s journey to holiness, of what learning to trust God completely might mean.
that I, the LORD,
bring low the high tree,
lift high the lowly tree,
wither up the green tree,
and make the withered tree bloom.
God can do all things. Lahat mapabababa niya o maitataas. Hwag feelingera. This life is beyond me. I know I need someone greater than me.
I worry with my brother’s driving partly because I don’t trust him completely yet behind the wheel. It’s because subconsciously between the two of us I regard myself as the better driver and that with his current competence, I don’t feel 100% safe. Should it also be the case with my entire life story? That I should worry and not let Jesus take the wheel because, with my foolish pride, I mistakenly regard myself to be the one who knows better than Him?
Relax lang. Ang mga dapat mangyari, mangyayari. I will always remember to take matters not with my own hands but with God’s. St. Therese of Lisieux also offered gems of word about our life’s battles. “Whenever I find myself faced with the prospect of an attack by my enemy, I am most courageous; I turn my back on him, without so much as looking at him, and run to Jesus.” I will not fool myself by fighting. Whenver faced with trials of life, I will immediately run to the Father and let him fight the battle for me.